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The following were answers provided by 6th
graders during history tests.
Watch
the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
1.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such
That all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on
Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.
3.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed
him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.
6.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
7.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed
herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah."
9.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because
he invented cigarettes and started men smoking.
10.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be
laid by Juliet.
12.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise Lost. Then his
wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
cheater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
picture show. They believe
the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This
ruined Booth's career.
15.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he
kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
for this.
17.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of
rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which
did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for
rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the
Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the
Marx Brothers.
Impossible
is nothing more than a starting point.
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